When You’re Always the “Bad Guy”: Parenting Power Struggles and the Toll They Take on You

If you feel like you are always the one enforcing rules, holding boundaries, and absorbing your child’s big reactions, you aren’t imagining it. For many parents, especially those raising strong-willed children, parenting can start to feel less like connection and more like constant conflict.

You wake up each day hoping it will go better. You remind yourself to stay calm. You promise yourself you will not yell. And then the power struggle shows up over something small. A transition. A limit. The wrong cup. Suddenly, you’re the “bad guy” again.

If that cycle is followed by guilt, self-doubt, or the familiar thought, why does this always fall on me? You are not alone.

How Parenting Power Struggles Take Shape

Parenting power struggles rarely begin because a parent wants control. They begin because a parent is trying to keep things moving, keep their child safe, and keep the day from unraveling.

With strong-willed children, those efforts often meet resistance. Limits feel personal to them. Transitions feel overwhelming. Being told “no” can spark intense emotional reactions that escalate quickly.

Over time, roles form without anyone choosing them. One parent becomes the rule enforcer. The one who says no. The one who steps in when things get heated. Even when you’re doing what needs to be done, it can start to feel isolating.

This is often where parent guilt creeps in. You replay moments after they happen. You wonder if you handled it wrong. You question whether you are too strict or not strict enough. You worry about the impact this dynamic is having on your relationship with your child.

These patterns don’t mean you’re failing. They mean you’re parenting in a system that doesn’t always support emotional regulation, for kids or for parents.

The Emotional Cost of Always Being the “Bad Guy”

Being the consistent one takes a toll. When you are constantly managing meltdowns, defiance, or aggression, your own nervous system stays activated. Many parents describe feeling on edge all the time. Shorter patience. Less joy. More exhaustion.

Parent burnout doesn’t always look like falling apart. Sometimes it looks like holding it together while feeling numb, resentful, or disconnected. It can show up as dread around certain parts of the day or a sense that you are failing at something that should feel more natural.

What often gets overlooked is how deeply this affects parents emotionally. Parenting power struggles are not just about behavior. They are about the relationship between you and your child, and the relationship you have with yourself as a parent.

This is where therapy for parents becomes essential, not as a last resort, but as support for the hardest parts of the work.

Why Strong-Willed Children Need a Different Approach

Strong-willed children are not bad, broken, or manipulative. They are often intense, sensitive, and deeply affected by feeling out of control or misunderstood. What looks like defiance is frequently a nervous system under stress.

Traditional discipline strategies don’t always work for these children. Sticker charts, consequences, or scripts can fall flat when a child is emotionally flooded. Without support for emotional regulation, those tools can actually escalate the struggle.

This doesn’t mean boundaries are wrong. It means boundaries need to be paired with connection, co-regulation, and an understanding of what is happening underneath the behavior.

If this resonates, you may also want to read: Why Nothing Seems to Work With Your Strong-Willed Child (And Why That Doesn’t Mean You’re Doing It Wrong)

How Parent and Child Therapy Helps Shift the Dynamic

Parent and child therapy is not about fixing your child or pointing out everything you are doing wrong. It is about understanding the patterns between you and your child and helping both of you feel safer, more connected, and more regulated.

In therapy, we look at what triggers your child and what gets triggered in you. We work on building emotional regulation alongside clear, supportive boundaries. The goal is not perfection. The goal is learning how to respond differently in moments that currently feel overwhelming.

For many parents, this means stepping out of the “bad guy” role and into a steadier, more grounded position. One where you are not constantly questioning yourself or carrying the emotional weight alone.

This is the kind of work Diana Gutierrez supports. Diana works with children and families, especially the kids of high-achieving parents who feel outmatched by big emotions at home. Her focus on early childhood and parent child relationships helps families make sense of behavior challenges and reduce the daily intensity that leaves parents feeling depleted.

You Are Not Doing This Wrong

If you feel emotionally exhausted, stuck in discipline roles, or worn down by constant power struggles, it does not mean you are failing your child. It means you are parenting a child with big feelings in a system that rarely supports parents through the hardest moments.

You deserve support that focuses on the relationship, not just the behavior. Support that helps you respond differently, not perfectly.

If you are ready to talk through what has been happening in your home and explore next steps, you can schedule a consultation here:  Schedule a Consultation

You do not have to keep carrying this alone.